Sometimes, I asked myself why Mike decided to leave before I came. It made me feel so bad, so bad, but it is because maybe am selfish. Mike loves me so much that he and God decided to be home in heaven, before I also be home in our apartment. My heart is full of sorrow. My head aches. My body shivers. My spirit getting weak. How could I live without him. I saw no sunshine. The world is so dark.
I tried to sleep in the couch where I saw everyday, him sleeping while I was still in the Philippines, through Skype video. But I could not feel relax nor sleepy. Now, I moved to our room and lay down on the bed that he prepared for me, new one just for me and him. Yeah, my body is relax, but sleepiness is nowhere to find. I can’t sleep, tears are still falling. My Love, I MISS YOU SO MUCH.
His true Love is all the reasons, why he left without me
Maybe, you could not understand, but I do. God knew that he really needs to go home. And he knew that I can’t handle it if I am there. He knew that I would never let him go. He don’t want me to cry . He still thinking the best thing for me even in the last breath of his life. Isn’t that sweet? He is so sweet, so careful of my feelings, and maybe that also be the reason why he cried. I saw tears running in his eyes, when I saw him. My Love, I will be fine, maybe right now, you saw me crying, and its because I am hurt. I LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH, but I will be fine. God will take good care of me.
In our apartment, he prepared me rice already, foods stocks for me, water purifier because he knew that I don’t like cold water. I have several clothes he bought, hanged already. New shower heads and everything that he thought I needed. God and him planned everything before He brought him home. My travels and everything. Even providing people to comfort me while I am in deep sorrow. Mike sister, brother, daughter Trish, son Marcus, grandchildren, family and friends are coming, ready to help me. God is so good. My husband is so nice. That must be one of his request before he agreed to go home. His love for me is only the reason why he left without me.
Right now, am trying to understand everything. Understanding would be the best way to lead me to acceptance. I saw the scenario of everything unexpectedly happened. I saw the planned sketches by God and him. All things work together for good to those who love God. God and Mike will help me to be strong. I know it in my heart. I just don’t know when I stop crying, even I somewhat understand it now.
I realize likewise, that if I was allowed to stay with him before it happened, really it would be very hard for me. Because I could see him every corner of this house, and remember always the things we surely do together. I can’t stand it. Imagining that I can’t handle laying down or look on the couch he used to sleep everyday, while waiting on my coming. He’s so nice. He do not want me to suffer to much while living in our apartment without him. He just wants me to remember the beautiful memories we had, while he was with me in the Philippines. God is so good for us. He gave us all the opportunity to be happy together before He brought Mike home. To be in each others. God is just always fair.
Its so wonderful to think how God made these things through. He planned everything so swiftly because time was so short. Mike is so wonderful husband that any woman could ask for. God made my life happy and complete through him, and am glad that Mike always told me that He is happy with me. His love for me is only the reason why he left me, and be with God without me.