“Surprise! Surprise! I Won’t Gonna Tell”

This was the message you posted on your facebook wall, sometimes of October 2010. And I was confuse, and at the same time excited about it too. I was curious whether or not, it was for me or someone else. But my heart told me, it was for me.

One year of this date, December 1, 2011 when you told me, “hey honey, I will be admitted to the hospital for a test.” That was a lonely conversation I got from you that day. My heart was sad, for hearing the word admission to the hospital. I don’t want you to get sick even if back in September, you already told me about the problem. I knew the possibility of you having such difficult health problem, because of your lifestyle. However, my heart refuse to believe the fact, while you are ready for anything. I was denying it.

On that day, my night in the Philippines, we talked on Skype. You were busy that day in moving out your things. I wondered of course, because you will just have a test, but you were moving out your things from the house. Why I was so stupid not to think of the possibility. I know because I chose to believe your words, rather than to my intuition. Yet, you know that I was excited for something too that I don’t know. I don’t able to hold myself not to smile, which for that you taught that I knew something, from your connivance to surprise me. My family and friends. But I didn’t because you got my loyal friends too.

Sometimes you almost tempted to tell me about the surprise. Yet, you are a strong person, and so determined to give me a big blow. Everything had been planned, however the hotel staffs don’t woke you up. You were mad, because you have no choice, but to call me right away to come to your room, instead of bringing me, to the mall by my friend. I felt bad also, but you put a tag in your room, to not to disturb you. We just laughed about it. Well, we were just too happy to get mad after all, anyway.

Yeah right that was really a big big surprise for me. I am trying to recall what we did, or how was our life together until April 5, 2011, when someone force you to come home. But its too much. My heart is prickled with pain that hurting me so bad. When you told me that you need to go home ahead of me, you cried so hard, and that hurts me too. I knew, you don’t want to return to the country without me, but there is Marcus who also needs you. Your son, our son.

Am not mad at you for leaving me behind, but my heart is bleeding. I can’t just believe that it is too soon. I can’t forget how excited we were, when I told you that my visa was approved. You were so happy.

You always made a big surprise for me, Mike. And those were great My Love. You did things that made me cry and laugh at the same time. Almost everyday, I got a surprise knocked on my door. You know what? When my family and friends learned that you’re gone, they too didn’t want to believe it. They tried to assure me that maybe, it is another surprise. But how could I be convinced, when you did not talk to me anymore.

“Surprise! Surprise! I won’t gonna tell you,” these words are still fresh in my mind. How could I live without you? What kind of life would I’d be? Those are only the few lines of our song. Why you? When me and Marcus needed you most. Why now, when we finally backed together after a decade? The time is so unfair. The time is so selfish, and without mercy.

Right now, am living with another lovable people. I don’t know the reason behind these things, on why I met them. But God knew the reason. He is in control of everything. So, I also put my trust in Him. He took you, but He never forsake me. I am now in my own struggle, but your memories are deep inside, have a very special spot in my heart. Like what I’ve always said, “I will love you forever.” I can’t still think about losing you, but time also can heal the pain. Time has its own time. Whatever surprises that comes my way again, the Lord of Abraham will take good care of it. Come what may.

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