Once you want impossible thing to happen, according to what your heart wishes for, it is like pouring fresh water out from the sea. The reality is, it will just hurt you so bad, even it will make you unreasonable, or makes you obsess to a certain thing, which you desire to have in your life. If you won’t fight for that feeling, the bottom line is, you will be falling apart.
There are lots of things under the sun, which created according to their needs and purposes. But with the “curiosity” of human being, some tried to reverse things base on what they want it to be. Maybe, some could be helpful, but most of it, certainly harmful to anyone’s life. But hold your breath, never judge anybody, if they did it, by purpose or unintentional, until you will hear their story, all behind of the situation. Whatever it is.
In my own experience, a lot of things that I wishes to happen, base to what I’ve needed. Some can be possible, others are impossible with all my understanding. And that’s the worst thing, when you know that, what you dream to have, is certainly cannot be fulfilled.
Before I got married, things in my life that time was so hard, especially when I keep loving someone, already owned by another one. Those times, everything was just a wished in my heart, even not praying to make it happen since I know, it is hardly possible. I never even have faith about it. It sounds to me, that it was really impossible. However, the opposite event was just naturally happened, without any effort nor step that I made. It was just fulfilled to my surprise, which until now I am still in the midst of astonishment.
Next day, I was married with the man, I purely loved. Another day, he is gone again, out of sight and would never be back anymore. My tears, my pain, my horror to what had happened in my life, drag my life so down. Its hard because before I completely convince myself that God gave the man I loved back to me, He took him also right away. But who am I to ask Him why? What happened?, made me confuse, and not trusting to anyone, even to myself, except I always remember God. He’s the one who always there for me, holds my shoulder so dearly, especially when I sob so hard. He loves me unconditionally, no matter what.
Throughout my pain and denial to what had happened, I felt so alone, so weak, and falling apart. Thinking things, hoping with dreams that something to happen, a must to happen. I need my husband to come back, be with me the rest of our lives. Not that too soon, to take off forever, without me. In my profession of faith, my heart knows, it is surely impossible. I know, am trying to pour fresh water from the sea. That’s so hard, so impossible to get such from a salty bed of water.
My wicked heart is what I should call. Wishing for a thing that cannot be happening, and never will. Anyhow, I know that it is the most deceitful part of our body, according to the Bible. Sometimes, it wins over your mind, but after that, it will make you sober, and guilty when you listen to it.
Right now, I should never need anyone but God to make me okay, in the right time. I needed to be stronger, ready and faithful enough to God in facing my problem or pain. It could be so hard. It is likely swimming in the river, against the current of the water. It is so hard, but I rather face it with all my strength rather than cowardly hiding, under the wing of the comfort from others. After all, I know God is with me always in bitterness and in happiness. This is my fight against my will, but according to what is right before the eyes of God.
Pouring fresh water from the sea, is like doing something against the law of nature. The same thing like doing things against the will of God. The lesson I’ve learned to my situation right now?, when you feel something or doing something opposite the God’s will, the bottom line is, it will make you suffer the rest of your life. All you need is to stand your faith and be stronger for His glory. Maybe, it is painful, but take the yoke, and have rest in God’s love for you. Yo te amo.