Sweet Beginnings Ends Without Goodbyes

Many people had been desperate to find a true love. A someone who could accept him or her, not only about what are good about them, but even though the other side of them, which is somewhat unacceptable to what is the called “norms” of society. Few had found it, but mostly it happen at the end of their time. When someone is ready to say, “my search is over, its about time to settle,” or be content with what I got in my hand. When a person got it, then he or she can say, this is my long and lasting love.

With the story of my life, I found my long and lasting love. It wasn’t perfect at the middle of the relationship, but it still ended with an awesome foretell love story. A touch on the magic of love, though somewhat for me, ends with a tragic. For it is difficult to loss your long and lasting love, that soon. Yet still, my life with him was once upon a time and a once in a life time. There are more than I can share or tell to the world, how our life been through together. The memories would be kept forever in my heart, because we had our perfect world.

I might want to recall how our destinies brought us together. In September 2000, we both in search the desires of our hearts, which is to find the been so longed, someone who can love us unconditionally. It wasn’t a perfect courtship, in terms of human standard, since we made it through a dating site. We had sweet remembrance to each other, despite of the 15,000 miles apart, until there was a circumstances happened that made him marry another woman, for the sake of an innocent life. Of course I was devastated, but what can I do? But to let him go freely, like a bird.

My behalf been married for almost a decade, while my life was also been astray, trying to find what is best for me. But no matter how I tried, and even not understand why, my life wasn’t succeeded, and in my mind it was somewhat something to happen, which I don’t know what it is.

In his life too, he was struggling living with his wife. Maybe, you might say, “and you believe him?” Why not when things about him were too obvious, that he too suffered for the lost of our love. Believe it or not, we never did anything that is against the will of God. In my part, I never hope for the end of their marriage, but just praying for their lasting happiness. In his part, he never contacted me throughout a decade. Not until things happened between them. He needed me to listen to his pain, and I open my heart for him, as a friend at first. After two or three months, I accepted him. In short we got married by the month of June 2010. And I lost him again by May 2011. Can you believe it?

If you can just get into my shoe, it is horrible to me. I was and am in great pain. When he married the other woman, he never said goodbye, and when he went with God, he still not said goodbye to me. Worst, I wasn’t there to comfort his pain. The memories, the love and sacrifices we had for each other are the gifts of life for me and him. We were so happy that we could not find enough words to say or whisper to each other. I love yous, I miss you or you are perfect for me were phrases that we always said, especially in our intimate time. Every moment of our lives together was precious. I can’t describe but it was like, we live in a heavenly world that only me and him could enjoy or appreciate.

Now, he is with God. And one thing that can make me smile is that, He is with God. Someday we will be together worshiping our God in Heaven. Where there are stars that reachable for us. And we can sing together for our Lord. We may not be like how we were in this world, but through Christ, believing Him as our Lord and Savior can unite as again. Isn’t it wonderful?

Our lives together, gives music in our heart, which made us very expressive to our emotion, not only through whispering the sweetest devotion for each other, but also expressing them, thought writing them into the horizon. And this one of his words for me, that made me happy, smile and even cried. This what I want to share with you. His words about who am I in his eyes:

‘Nila, Through My Eyes

By: Mike W. Sullivan

There is a song, I believe by Dolly Pardon, that states that Love Is Like A Butterfly. In many ways this is true of my love, Nila. Born to poor beginnings, growing up in, by American standards, the worst of circumstances, blossomed into the most beautiful , both physical and spiritual, creature, not unlike a butterfly. When she walks into a room, the whole room stops and stares. When she whispers my name, chills spread throughout by body, and mind, as if hearing angels speak. Just as the butterfly floats on the air, oblivious to the dangers around it, so is the spirit of my love.
One can only imagine why God created such a beautiful being and has been purposed her to be mine. It still, to this day, astounds me that she wants only me. I pinch myself each day to make sure that I am not dreaming. By the way, if I am, PLEASE don’t wake me. I have waited a lifetime for someone to love me, not for what they think I should be, or what I can give them, but just for me, like I am, faults and all. Nila loves me unconditionally, although for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. I am sure she will tell you our story in another blog post, but it at times, wasn’t the perfect courtship, by any means.

I, though not intentionally, put her through immence pain, many nights of tears, and 10 years of heartbreak. Through it all, for some reason, she has loved me still. She is like the rock foundation which our love is anchored. Holding steadfast the ship that is our love, so as not to drift away, get lost in a worldly fog, or sink the the bottom of despair. Through my eyes, she holds my heart, our love, and my happiness in the palm of her hand. And to be honest, I wouldn’t want it anywhere else. She is my cheer in sorrow, my comfort in pain, and like bread when I am hungry, she, and her love, will sustain me.
Well, there you have it. That is Nila through my eyes. May God bless all who read this. As a little passing advise…… Cling to what is right, and God will find a way to bring to you one who is worthy of your love. After all, it took several marriages, mostly because I am hard headed, and 53 years for me to allow God to bring Nila’s love my way, but it has happened, even despite my bucking the system for the last 11 years. Let God do the choosing for you and the end resulting love will last forever. Believe me, Match.com, E-Harmony, and any others you can think of, ain’t got nothing on God’s match making skills.’

Now I am alone. Trying to gather myself. Putting back the scattered pieces of my life, which never at all to be completed. There is always a whole in it, because God took it. Well, at least I know where is it.
Like our song, “How do I live without you,” yeah its difficult. Losing your behalf is like losing yourself too. You won’t know how to comfort your selfish self or heart, especially when you are misinterpreted. You never know which ground to plant your feet. It made me felt so lost, no place to stay, like a gypsy.

I don’t hold the future. I never know what lies ahead. But whatever God’s plan for me, or wherever He will lead me, my humble broken heart will just follow. In this wide wild world, I can never trust anyone. Sorry to say, but only God’s heart to provide me people, whom I can put my head to their shoulder to cry on. And He did, indeed. A person who never ever ridicule me, with my whining and tears, and even not judge the deepest secret of my life. Thanks for her. Thanks to my friend.

Its too early to say, I am okay. But God knew when would be the right time I can wear a pure and honest smile. For now, am slowly walking with only by my faith in Him. Some maybe misunderstood me. And threw their judgment before me. I care a lot about their thinking, and it hurts me so bad too. But this is now my life. I have just to move on, maybe with so much tears, but those are the signs of my humbleness to come near to God. Its my way of telling Him, how much thankful my heart for everything. And through my tears, my way of telling the world, that I humbly accepted, every challenge of my life.

Yeah, my sweet beginning ended without goodbyes. However, our loving memories will bridge our hearts, to remind me how much lucky I am. How much blessed our love, till the end of our time.

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